Last Saturday four friends ate at cafe ‘t Oude Pothuys in Utrecht. After that they all went to ‘t Gras Van De Buren, and later on the singles moved to cafe Hofman. Finally, two of them, Gaston and I, visited the quieter cafe Belgie until 3:00am. We had a good time and enough alcoholic beverages to cloud our judgement. However, Gaston and I later on agreed that going out to crowded noisy bars is a highly overrated experience. Why do we think so?
Well, if you look carefully, you’ll see the crowd isn’t having a good time together, because they hardly mix. The self-proclaimed happy crowd actually consists of many small-sized groups of people that already know each other and are desperately trying to socialize, notwithstanding the loud music. I think meaningfully meeting new people is almost impossible in loud and crowded places. Consequently, the outcome of such a night out for the inexperienced male party animal is more likely to be a sore throat plus hangover than a romantic night with a beautiful, formerly unknown member of the female species.
I confess that apart from the pleasant company of my friends, the only other great moments that night were stepping out of the aforementioned establishments into the fresh air! And I’m even lucky that I like to observe people and situations when I get firewalled by overly loud music. Moreover, I enjoy writing about those experiences in my blog later on. But imagine you are seriously frequenting those places to find a potential partner …
So these popular crowded places might not be ideal for the quieter people looking for a relationship, but what about the popular Internet dating sites? Certainly they are more efficient because you can apply selections beforehand in the comfort of your own home. But let’s be honest, who has ever had a longer-lasting relationship with somebody that fits the whole (theoretical) wish list? Nobody. You typically happily end up with somebody who has “it” for you and that “it” cannot be described on a computer screen. Internet matching won’t change that, because the 2D, or even the 3D, lacks many dimensions that make people attractive. It’s for example somebody’s body language, smell and personality that makes you fall in love, and not that secretly Photoshopped picture of at least 5 years old complemented by the perfectly-pimped CV.
This is why I prefer meeting new people in quiet film cafes, bookstores, or any other place that is not known to be a crowded “meat market”. Maybe I’m a bit sceptical — the Vanessa look-alike right behind me at Hofman didn’t help here — but I do insist on meeting new people the old-fashioned way, even if it takes a bit longer.
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